Weigh-In #9

Today's Weight: 244 (-3 from last week, -21 total)

I am so amazed. I thought for sure I was done for this week. I've said it 1000 times: this kind of lifestyle, if you stick with it all the time, even if you do fuck it up on occasion, you are still going to get results. It is so encouraging!!!!!!

Onward!!!!

Carb Central

Hahahahahha. I can't help but laugh as this week has just been a mess. My schedule at school is off the wall, so unfortunately my eating and exercise has suffered as well. The biggest problem was the peanut butter cake I made for my recording buddies on Saturday. I haven't had any uncontrollable sweet cravings for a while, but for some reason, that cake sitting on my counter was irresistible - weakness ensued and I ended up eating far more cake than I should have over the span of two days. I believe the combination of stress and lack of sleep makes me crave unhealthy carbs.

The good news is that the cake is gone, I have managed to get to the gym two times this week (and hopefully a third tomorrow), and have been eating only broccoli to compensate for my carb madness from the beginning of the week. I don't know how this will affect the scale on Sunday, but honestly I am really not concerned. My focus is on surviving this week and getting done what I need to get done. Let's hope I do! ;-)

Weigh-In #8

Today's Weight: 247 (-2 from last week, -18 total)

hells yeah! Alllllmost at 20 pounds. For sure will get there next week. Very exciting times. Really it's all very easy now - no thought, just do it.

I have to confess that yesterday I had a piece of chicken. I made my infamous baked chicken for my friends and I decided, you know what, I want a goddamn piece of chicken. So I ate it. And it was frickin awesome!! :^)

Weigh-In #7

Today's Weight: 249 (-3 from last week, -16 total)

Woohoo! This is a really huge milestone for me as I have no idea when I was ever below 250 pounds. Middle school maybe? I cannot describe how inspiring it is to get this news. I am going to make an attempt to be exceptionally psychotic this week as I am four pounds away from the 20 mark. I have made a pact that once I hit 20 pounds, I will go and buy some new clothes. Already everything I'm wearing is hanging off of me. If I can push forward and hit 245 next week, not only will I feel amazing, I will have an excuse to go shopping.

Onward!

Doubt

And not the kind with Meryl Streep. I have had a really good week: no meltdowns, no craving battles, no shenanigans. I got to the gym three times this week (our schedule was a mess and didn't allow me to get there for the usual 4 times). Still, I am somehow concerned about this week's numbers. I desperately want to get below the 250 mark - it only requires three pounds, which is a pretty reliable number considering my track record. But for some reason I've been feeling at a bit of a plateau - like no matter what I do I'm not going to get past 250. If this week's results are less than what I hoped, I will pay a visit to the nutritionist and see what I might be able to do. I have noticed that at this stage how much I eat and WHEN I eat it are both tremendous factors in terms of numbers.

I know full well that being obsessed with the scale is not necessarily the best way to maintain a diet. For me, seeing the results on the scale and being able to say "I've lost __ pounds" has been a really important tool for keeping myself motivated. Luckily I have kept going strong through these past two weeks, but being so deeply devoted and seeing no documentable results gets increasingly more frustrating.

We shall see what tomorrow brings!

Weigh-In #6

Today's Weight: 252 (-1 from last week, -13 total)

Well, I am relieved to see that I made at least some progress. I had some serious digestive issues caused by my bread episode. Had I caught the issue sooner, I may have been able to overcome it and lose another pound, but it is how it is. I'm grateful to be back on track and feeling healthy again. I look forward to an ass-kicking week.

Woot!!

Wow

So this has officially been a rough week. The good news is I've overcome my intense cravings and am feeling good about continuing on this path I've carved. The bad news is I have little hope for any good news from the scale this Sunday. The funny thing is that knowing how much I've struggled this week, I made it a point to go to the gym every single weekday and likely I will go out of my way to go tomorrow. And really it's not as if I've done anything really stupid like visited McDonald's or drank a soda. Just a few glitches in my food choices.

One of the reason I'm feeling so pessimistic about the scale is that I've come to take notice of how I feel when eating very well: light, free, and clear. Since my epic French bread episode on Wednesday, I've been feeling clogged and bloated. I've been trying to counteract for the past few days with steamed broccoli, kidney beans, and just this evening a new batch of pea soup, but I'm still feeling rather backed up. I believe this to also be a product of not allowing myself to get hungry before eating. Tomorrow I am going to take it very lightly and be sure to get in some exercise. We'll see what happens come Sunday. I'm just glad that I'm still on the right track and am fully prepared to keep going no matter what Sunday brings.

Here's hopin'!

(I feel like this is SO intense - like a reality TV show. lol)

Attack of the French Bread

Today I stopped at the VONS on the way home from class. I was feeling in need of iron, so I planned to buy some broccoli and have just it steamed for dinner. As I entered the supermarket and made my way towards the produce section, I noticed that a woman from the bakery was standing beside a tall cart... then it hit me... she was taking loaves of hot, freshly baked french bread and putting them into a basket to be sold. Dear sweet god. I proceeded to the produce section, hungry and weak, trying to stay focused on my mission. I let myself get too hungry and so was tired and ravenous having just come from the gym. I rushed to the nuts section and found some almonds to munch on so I could subside my hunger and regain control.... a futile effort. I got to the cashier and there it was, the basket of bread, hot and fresh. I bought the loaf. I began eating it in the car. I rushed in the door of my apartment and implored my roommate to help me eat it. He was immediately fallen under its spell. I put together some seasoned olive oil and there, within 20 minutes of purchase, the entire loaf was annihilated. Epic fail. But so worth it.

Rough Patch?

It's only Tuesday, but for some reason I'm finding this week to be the hardest. It's as if all of the food I've been consuming has suddenly become unsatisfying. The results and the potential somehow seem to no longer be enough motivation. What's worse I'm beginning to resent those who eat all those delicious things like cheeseburgers and fried chicken that I have removed myself from.

I honestly am really surprised to be feeling this way since the past four weeks have felt so good and have shown what tremendous results can come from living such a pure lifestyle. It really is so liberating in so many ways, yet somehow I am still plagued by the temptresses of my past life. Not surprising since I spent 26 years living in such a lifestyle. There is so much comfort and memory built in to so many dishes that can't be a part of my everyday life any more, and I think that is finally starting to hit home. Also being such an avid cook and baker, there are so many ingredients and flavors that are no longer available to me, which I find frustrating and even depressing.

Despite this surge of feeling, I remind myself that I never vowed to remain in such a die hard state of vegetarianism/health nut. That eventually I would incorporate meat and even some dairy back into my life, if only in carefully planned intervals and portions. But I did vow that I would stay die hard for at least 3 if not 4 months to lose the bulk of my weight and then if I still wanted to incorporate other things back into my diet, I would. I didn't expect to be feeling a surge like this so soon. I don't yet feel ready to start eating meat or dairy again - I planned to get to at least 20 pounds before even considering it.

My tactic is this:

1. I will not under any circumstances have a melt down and jump off the wagon
2. I am going to stick through this week and if I am still feeling this way next week I will reassess and see what I can modify in my diet that will still allow me to keep going
3. I am also going to make an effort to continue my reading and learning in an attempt to bring back motivation and expel myself from this mental rut.

I have made a lot of progress, but I still have a long way to go. I need to just work through this patch and keep on going. Here's hopin!

Cravings

Today I had a private lesson and I swear, for whatever reason, the entire time all I could think about was chicken. Grilled chicken, fried chicken, baked chicken... it was kind of ridiculous. This was definitely my first psychotic craving episode. It's a little scary since I'm determined to keep on my current war path for at least another month before I start giving myself any leeway to incorporate the occasional portion of meat back into my diet. Luckily my sense of routine led me right to my usual lunch of a veggie sub from Subway, so there were no casualties today, but even as I type this I'm beginning to think of how great it would be to have a nice slab of grilled chicken... dammit..